Rick, Herman, And...Kim?

New Bravo "debaters"

Bravo TV is rumored to be deep into negotiations to sign all the current Republican presidential candidates, except presumed winner Mitt Romney, to long-term contracts. A Bravo poll strongly indicates that most Americans already believe that the "debates" are a Bravo-produced reality TV show, and the cable channel is eager to pounce on an opportunity. Apparently, Americans are not put-off by having had nine candidate debates occur with a full year remaining before the actual election, in which most eligible American voters will not participate anyway.

Bravo, Fox, and other cable channels, along with The New York Times have already concluded on behalf of potential primary voters, most of whom won't vote, that the primary race is now over even though there has not yet been a primary vote yet. Bravo poll data also indicated that voters will consider any future Romney-Obama debates as being as exciting as debates between the Accounting faculties at Utah State and the University of Illinois; and believe that viewers would rather see more entertaining "candidates"continue making fools of themselves in the most amazing ways.

Reportedly, a representative of former Governor, former candidate, former this 'n that Palin, the most successful reality TV candidate in history, has already approached Bravo with an offer to join the current group of hapless, but lovable, debaters. Bravo has declined, feeling that $25Million over two years (Bravo plans to continue the show well-beyond the November 2012 Election Day) is too steep.

Newest "candidate"

Instead, Bravo sees the possibility of making this new show an extension of its stunningly popular Kardashian franchise, now that Kim's marriage plot has dissolved, with Kim joining the group as a candidate.

A spokesperson for Mr. Cain's campaign referred questions about Ms. Kardashian to Mr. Cain's lawyer and claimed that the candidate had never been in the same room with her, at least as far as he could recall. Mr. Perry said that he had a reaction to the reports, but that he could not, for the moment, remember what that was.

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Foreign reaction to the Bravo rumor was swift:

In Moscow, former and future President Putin said that, "...as usual, the Americans had been quick to criticize his 'arrangement' with Mr. Medvedev, the Russian voters, and the manufacturers of Russian voting machines as being a sham and not real democracy. These ridiculous 'debates'  show that the Americans  are so busy spreading democracy abroad that they forgot to be serious about practicing it at home." He went on to say that the Russian people rightly consider a long debate, or any debate about who will lead them to be a waste of time and money.

Debates? Nyet

In Teheran, Mr. Ahmadinejad offered to hold one of the future Bravo "debates" on Iranian soil and pre-agreed to a UN controlled radiation inspection of the debating hall.

President Karzai, in Afghanistan, said that Americans will finally have an opportunity to see how corrupt their political system has become, with a political industry of consultants, lobbyists, reporters, unions and hangers-on sharing hundreds of millions of dollars in donated booty. "In Afghanistan," Mr Karzai said, "we have always had our corruption out in the open, where people can see it, which is  more honest." A spokesperson for Karzai said that his use of the term "booty" was not meant as a reference to Ms. Kardashian, even though the President has long admired her from afar.

A spokesperson for the government in Beijing said that officials were too busy managing their own inherently corrupt system to be bothered talking about someone else's.

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The White House staff, newly re-organized around the President's small group of most trusted advisors, in order protect him from any ideas or opinions that he might not like to hear, could not help gloating over the Bravo reports...

Can one candidate "win?"

...until it became apparent that there was a distinct possibility that the non-Fox cable media and the Times might very well find some piece of scandal with which they could knock off the only remaining opposition candidate, leaving the President a clear path to running...

...against himself. And they wondered what it would mean if he won an election against nobody.