About Absolutely Nothing At All

Kramer

copyright©2010TWMcDermott

It's much more difficult to write about nothing at all than you might imagine, although some have managed it rather well.

Seinfeld, for example, was a tremendously successful TV show precisely because it was, as George so succinctly put it, "about nothing at all, absolutely nothing." These words captivated the suits at NBC and the rest is TV history, which is pretty much like real history.

Sarte, as you know from college or your French phase, went on for some 800 pages about Being And Nothingness. His fellow countryman, Proust, whose work has become a lifelong challenge for me, is the all-time-champ. He wrote several volumes in his cork-lined bedroom from which he seldom ventured, in which nothing much happens at all: at least nothing anyone else ever noticed.

Is it merely coincidence that these two, who knew so much about nothing, were French? We do not think it is a coincidence and offer as further evidence Samuel Beckett. He was Irish, but wrote Waiting For Godot in Paris, apparently because he wanted to see if he could create an entire play, which would become famous mainly due to the fact that nothing much happened in it and nobody really understood it. He succeeded and so we must agree that the French are probably the best at Nothing. This may explain why they stay indoors a lot, have a pharmacy on every corner, and really know how to eat and drink.

Beckett

We come to the last day of the year prepared to look back on the events of the recent past: the last 364 days to be exact. Then, we try to look into the future to see what might happen; even making a few specific predictions about our own behavior, which we call resolutions, many of which will come to....you know what.

We do know some things will happen for sure. My home state will get a new Governor, arguably the first one we've had in some time. This would be a big something, except that it will happen in Albany, a "city" that was built in the middle of nowhere, by people who had no place else to go and nothing much else to do with their time.

In fact, the vacuum all around Albany is so pronounced that it creates the exact opposite phenomenon than you would think, allowing it to act much like a huge set of pneumatic tubes, sucking many forms of revenue from every corner of the state, except Albany itself.

And who better to reform this system than a son of Albany? The new gov spent many formative years there, as the son of a gov (some think a son of other things too). He attended Albany Law School, which, as its name suggests, specializes in a very particular kind of law mostly designed to protect the legal and physical aspects of the aforementioned vacuum-revenue system.

Cash Tubes

Some consider the new gov to be handsome, although it's hard to say, because he is seldom seen, and heard even less. He ran a stealth campaign and is forming a stealthy administration so far. He wears white broadcloth straight-collared shirts at all times, perhaps even as pajamas, and ties his knot in a half-Windsor like his dad-gov. With his background and pedigree, if anyone should be an expert on Nothing as practiced in Albany, it is he.

It is said that the new gov has a secret plan, which, as far as we can tell, could be even better than nothing.

Bon Courage! And, keep your sense of humor, or if you must, keep ours.


Ed Note: Some of you may have noticed the more than passing resemblance between Kramer and Beckett. This is obviously not a coincidence.