St. Nicholas, AKA Santa
North Pole
Dear Nick,
I, Virginia, your BFF, will be twelve years old by the time you make your rounds this year. Can you believe it? I hope that you will be able to use your reindeer and sleigh again, but I worry about that, since my dad says that you might need to use a boat soon.
He read us a news story today about some place called Norfolk, Virginia (no relation), which is already having much higher tides, because your pole and the other one are melting fast. Things are especially bad when the moon is full (please note: Dec 21).
?4U. Will you really need to switch to a boat soon, Nicky? Will you need to move someplace else? Hope not. I can’t imagine your being anywhere else but in the North Pole, with real ice all around and not that stuff that, like, comes with my ice cream birthday cake.
Maybe you’re one of those people who don’t believe there is any such thing as global warming? Some people say it’s about as real as you or the Tooth Fairy, but I’m not sure why they say that. Adults can be so…well, DF.
I want you to know that this year I do not need any new stuff. We have this thing now called Black Friday, which kinda sounds really bad, I know, but here’s the 411 on it. It’s supposed to be good for the economy. The economy has been very, very sick from getting a terrible contagious disease from when you go to the bank and put your money in a contaminated money-shrinker.
Anyway, on Black Friday everyone gets into a real frenzy and buys up everything in sight. OMG, I’m not making this up; they even get up at 3:30 in the morning to shop! So, between that and my birthday (Dec 20), I get a lot of stuff, like a new chair for my room made entirely from air-freshener, ETC.
Please think about this. I was born in 1998 near the turn of the last century. My mom and dad get all teary-eyed about it: not about me their DEGT, about 1998, silly. I guess that was a really great time; before some “bubble” burst; before 9/11; before a couple of wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, where very brave soldiers and marines are still fighting. Then we had cars that like would not work and that sick money epidemic thing I mentioned.
My mom says that wars are the only things without expiration dates. Milk, yogurt, credit cards, even my new chair all have them, but not wars. Maybe you could work on that for her?
This is the only century I’ve ever had and the only life I’ve had. I didn’t even know that it was one of the worst times ever in all history until I heard my parents’ friends talking. I’ve actually been having a pretty good time; it’s the only time I have.
So, this year, I really want you to bring a surprise for my parents: a much better next decade. I don’t know much about decades, since I’ve only seen one so far, but I’m sure that you do. You’ve had lots of them.
From listening to grown-ups, I can describe it a little: mostly what it will not be:
- It should not be either red or blue; not from Washington, D.C. or places called Albany or Sacramento.
- Try and get it, Dearest Nick, without borrowing a dime from a friend in China like most people. (Adults get all FUBB about China)
- It should not have inc. or .com after it and try to get one that’s not made by your friend in China; also, it should not require using a remote.
- It is not owned by a Russian billionaire or a billionaire Mayor.
- It does get 50 mpg and its schools are a lot better than the ones we have now.
I know that’s a lot to ask, but you can spread it over ten years, which is a long time. My parents even say the last ten seemed like a hundred. I don’t know; I just love them and wish they would not worry so much.
Best to Mrs. C and Rudy TRNR (reindeer can swim, right?).
Please BC. Very, very C.
Sincerely,
Virginia,
Lexicon:
BFF= Best Friend Forever
?4u= question for you
DF= Don’t even go there
DEGT= Darling daughter
FUBB= Fouled up beyond belief
BC= Be Cool
copyright©2010TWMcDermott
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