Pilgrims' Regress

Pilgrims' Rock

Thanksgiving Day. What's not to like? Even turkey, which most days tastes like salted paper-towel, tastes great. Normally bland turnips turn into tantalizing tidbits on the tongue. There is no tree to purchase or trim, no frantic trips to town to buy Uncle Ralph a tie that we know he will never wear, and no marathon wrapping sessions in the attic.

Thanksgiving Day, brilliantly concocted to be on a Thursday, creating a four day weekend of food, football, and fooling around. Even we could not mess up Thanksgiving, could we?

Thinketh again, Pilgrims. Welcome to Thanksgiving Inc.

Wal-Mart has decided to open its doors at 10PM on Thanksgiving Night to accommodate "customers," AKA People Who Need to Get A Life.  Amazingly, those customers took umbrage at last year's experience, one might even say privilege, of having to line up beginning around midnight in order to get prized shoppers' wrist bands, which the stores didn't distribute until 2AM, while otherwise reasonable folk were sound asleep.

And they say that America can no longer innovate. Hah! Imagine what these sleep-deprived customers could accomplish if only they still had full time jobs with benefits and access to credit?

On 2nd Thought, Make it 12AM!

Thanksgiving Inc. Weep-eth with me, Pilgrims.

One guesses that the original Pilgrims could never have thought of something so clever as a huge shopping opportunity like Black Friday or, Black Thursday Night. After all, they could not even think of a name for the place at which they landed other than "Plymouth," the very name of the place from which they came. They landed at Plymouth on November 11, and, no doubt they were tired of the Mayflower's non-POSH food and the Pilgrim-in-Chief's constant sermonizing. Native corn, oysters, cranberries and wild turkeys, not to mention a snout full  of wild crabapple-liqeur must have seemed like a really good idea.

Americans now imagine that all descendants of early Pilgrims have become wealthy beyond all get out over the generations; but the truth is that not so many of them as imagined would make Warren Buffet's Millionaires' Most Wanted List for super-sizing their tax bite.  Instead, I think it's more credible and frightening to think that a good many Pilgrim descendants might be tempted to convene at Wal-Mart Store # 2336 off Route 44 in contemporary Plymouth to assail themselves of deals.

Bradfords, Brewsters, Standishes. Imagine the original Pilgrim set lined up in their pj's at midnight:

Pilgrim #1: "If only we had stow-ethed some of these container-size packeths of Depends for our ocean journey; we are indeed blessed in this new world."

Pilgrim #2: "You said-eth it, Pilgrim, and we could have used them along with these seven cases of bottled water for $1.29, with coupons! Have you knowledge of said blessing, Pilgrim, the coupon?

We live in an age in which we begin selling Halloween candy around July 4th, sign up for our free-range, grass-fed, organic turkeys while still wearing bathing suits, and begin seeing Christmas lights in the hardware store before the last homegrown tomatoes have fallen from the vine.

Bonkers Buyers Bunking

We may be able to do without the rotary dial; we can adapt to the new habit of treating a hurricane as Armageddon; we may survive allowing our boss, spouse, child to call/text us at 3AM; and now we know what it's like to have a blizzard in the northeast before the leaves fall.

But, Pilgrims, let us unite against this insidious intrusion into our Thanksgiving, one of the the last bastions of decency, sanity...peace.

Please-eth.

Rick, Herman, And...Kim?

New Bravo "debaters"

Bravo TV is rumored to be deep into negotiations to sign all the current Republican presidential candidates, except presumed winner Mitt Romney, to long-term contracts. A Bravo poll strongly indicates that most Americans already believe that the "debates" are a Bravo-produced reality TV show, and the cable channel is eager to pounce on an opportunity. Apparently, Americans are not put-off by having had nine candidate debates occur with a full year remaining before the actual election, in which most eligible American voters will not participate anyway.

Bravo, Fox, and other cable channels, along with The New York Times have already concluded on behalf of potential primary voters, most of whom won't vote, that the primary race is now over even though there has not yet been a primary vote yet. Bravo poll data also indicated that voters will consider any future Romney-Obama debates as being as exciting as debates between the Accounting faculties at Utah State and the University of Illinois; and believe that viewers would rather see more entertaining "candidates"continue making fools of themselves in the most amazing ways.

Reportedly, a representative of former Governor, former candidate, former this 'n that Palin, the most successful reality TV candidate in history, has already approached Bravo with an offer to join the current group of hapless, but lovable, debaters. Bravo has declined, feeling that $25Million over two years (Bravo plans to continue the show well-beyond the November 2012 Election Day) is too steep.

Newest "candidate"

Instead, Bravo sees the possibility of making this new show an extension of its stunningly popular Kardashian franchise, now that Kim's marriage plot has dissolved, with Kim joining the group as a candidate.

A spokesperson for Mr. Cain's campaign referred questions about Ms. Kardashian to Mr. Cain's lawyer and claimed that the candidate had never been in the same room with her, at least as far as he could recall. Mr. Perry said that he had a reaction to the reports, but that he could not, for the moment, remember what that was.

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Foreign reaction to the Bravo rumor was swift:

In Moscow, former and future President Putin said that, "...as usual, the Americans had been quick to criticize his 'arrangement' with Mr. Medvedev, the Russian voters, and the manufacturers of Russian voting machines as being a sham and not real democracy. These ridiculous 'debates'  show that the Americans  are so busy spreading democracy abroad that they forgot to be serious about practicing it at home." He went on to say that the Russian people rightly consider a long debate, or any debate about who will lead them to be a waste of time and money.

Debates? Nyet

In Teheran, Mr. Ahmadinejad offered to hold one of the future Bravo "debates" on Iranian soil and pre-agreed to a UN controlled radiation inspection of the debating hall.

President Karzai, in Afghanistan, said that Americans will finally have an opportunity to see how corrupt their political system has become, with a political industry of consultants, lobbyists, reporters, unions and hangers-on sharing hundreds of millions of dollars in donated booty. "In Afghanistan," Mr Karzai said, "we have always had our corruption out in the open, where people can see it, which is  more honest." A spokesperson for Karzai said that his use of the term "booty" was not meant as a reference to Ms. Kardashian, even though the President has long admired her from afar.

A spokesperson for the government in Beijing said that officials were too busy managing their own inherently corrupt system to be bothered talking about someone else's.

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The White House staff, newly re-organized around the President's small group of most trusted advisors, in order protect him from any ideas or opinions that he might not like to hear, could not help gloating over the Bravo reports...

Can one candidate "win?"

...until it became apparent that there was a distinct possibility that the non-Fox cable media and the Times might very well find some piece of scandal with which they could knock off the only remaining opposition candidate, leaving the President a clear path to running...

...against himself. And they wondered what it would mean if he won an election against nobody.

By The Numbers

Nein-Nein-Nein: Leading Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's answer to allegations of sexual harassment while he was head of the National Restaurant Association.

One: To add insult to alleged injury, Marjorie Kettleworthy, 83, of Sandusky, OH has filed a discrimination suit against Mr. Cain, alleging that she was the only female employee at the National Restaurant Association during Mr. Cain's tenure as president , whom he did not sexually harass.

365: i) Actual number of days remaining before the actual presidential Election Day 2012; ii) actual number of Americans who knew the election was not today; iii) number of Iowan voters deciding who the next Republican candidate will be; iv) final number of alleged sexual harassment incidents needed to convince Herman Cain to drop out of the race; v) Number of times this week, so far,  that NJ Governor Chris Christie has declined pleas from the Republican National Committee to run; vi) Number of times this week, so far, that NYC's Mayor Mike Bloomberg has denied plans to enter the race, despite the fact that nobody asked him about it.

4: Number of times that Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York has been seen in public since he was sworn in last December.

44: Number of times Gov. Cuomo has called VP Biden this year to assure the Veep that he has no intention of trying to replace Biden on the 2012 ticket.

444: Number of private cell phone calls to Gov. Cuomo originating in the Oval Office this year, so far.

4,444: Number of millionaires it takes to make one Warren Buffet, who is spearheading a national movement to raise the tax rates for millionaires.

Zero: Number of billionaires named Warren Buffet, who understand that they are not obligated to take every possible deduction available to them, or to take advantage of every loophole in the personal and corporate tax codes.

471: Total number of published blog posts in the ThirdGarage/RareBurghers communications conglomerate, including this 281st posting.

Greytops™: What To Do With Us?

I.B.M. has just named Virginia M. Rometty, 54,  to be their next CEO. No argument there; we need more women in the CEO ranks. But, listen to what else the Times had to say: "A leading rival to succeed Mr. Palmisano..., was Steven A. Mills...But his age, analysts note, was probably an obstacle. Mr. Mills just turned 60, the traditional retirement age for I.B.M."

Are we to understand that Mr. Mills had lost a certain edge or, perhaps knowledge of some kind, while aging from 54 to 60 at the company? Are we too understand that Ms. Rometty has only six great years in her and then, Bye-Bye?

Is this the message that one of America's iconic companies wants to send to millions of Boomers? Should we, at 60, just go take a seat in the waiting room at Frank E. Campbell's Funeral Chapel on Madison Avenue?

The New 30

All across the country, people approaching or past 60 are looking to extend their jobs, have lost their jobs, been early-retired, or, as some bureaucrats might say been "displaced." They are meeting in schools, church halls, and Starbuck's networking among themselves, in order to get back in the game, back in regular jobs, with regular pay and benefits. Some days, it's hard to keep hope alive, but they do, day by day.

Many of them, perhaps most, have replaced "job" with work, and plenty of it: they do projects, the chair volunteer committees, they hold one or more part-time jobs, they conduct a search for full-time work, and, yes, they write blogs and books. There is no time for whining about stupid banks, ranting over 15-month long political campaigns in which nothing of substance is ever said, or complaining about QE2 or 3 or 4. We're too damn busy.

Here's some news: Yesterday I called on two potential customers on behalf of a technology product I sell on commission. I am 63; the two clients were approximately 60 and 57; my boss is...74.

Should we all just crawl into a hole, I.B.M.?

going out to pasture

Obviously, I.B.M. meant no offense. But, that's the point; our culture has it stuck in its collective head that we should begin our working lives with one goal...to retire as soon as possible and not have to work anymore, which pre-supposes that we won't like our work much, which just might explain how so many companies seem to be run by less than brilliant execs, instead of high-quality people like Ms. Rometty or Steve Jobs.

Wouldn't it be nice one day for a business or political leader to just acknowledge how great it is that millions of people at, around or beyond 60 are vibrant, healthy, active, smart, wise, strong, nurturing, creative, attentive, compassionate, honest, and still worthy of regular compensation and more than legally token consideration for real jobs?

Well, there it is and you know what...typing that didn't make me go all weak at the knees or faint in the head and in need of a nap; there's a lot more where that came from, I.B.M.

©TWMcDermott2011

At Last, A Solution: Fewer Millionaires

Millionaire

Whoa, something must have happened while we were on a small island and missed the paper. All of a sudden we're at war again...against those heinous foes...Millionaires!

The President, in particular, is out to get Millionaires. We can tell, because he calls them "people" and not "folks." Folks are "ordinary Americans," who are a lot of things (overweight, poor students, credit-liars, tax-evaders), but they are simple folks, who are constantly screwed by the kind of people we call...people. Especially Millionaires.

Around election time, which begins the day after any election, there are suddenly a lot more folks than people out there in election land for Democrats to praise. Republicans can't seem to find anyone to praise, who isn't currently living in some asylum or will soon be in one.

Golly, maybe some of the Millionaire parents in O's daughters' exclusive private school did something particularly bad, like make gauche donations to the scholarship fund?

The real answer seems to lie with Warren Buffet, who is not even a Millionaire; he is a Billionaire and, apparently, that is an okay thing to be, particularly if you happen to be a Democratic Billionaire. Why, everyone knows that Uncle Warren is "just folks." He is beloved because he found a way to make money blackmailing banks like Goldman Sachs and Salomon Bros. Who wouldn't love that? We even love that little gecko, who works for Geico, one of Warren's many companies.

A few weeks ago, after Buffet got finished blackmailing Bank of America into giving him a sweetheart deal, he must have felt remorse. He woke one day complaining how absurd it was that he was paying an effective tax rate that was lower than the one most of his employees pay. Rather than give them all a whopping raise, he proposed ways to make him pay higher than 17%.

Could it be that Warren Buffet, The Sage Of Omaha, does not know that he could pick up the phone on his NetJets' jet (he owns this company which allows Millionaires who can't afford their own jet to share, plus he is cheap as all get out) and call his lawyer and accountant and simply instruct them to not take certain deductions, so that he could pay higher taxes? One would think that most folks know this can be done.

Apparently he doesn't know this. The President does not seem prepared to tell him this. The Times and MSNBC, desperate to prop up President O and always eager to annihilate unsuspecting Millionaires, who do not live in Tribeca,  have jumped on this band wagon. Is it too early or too outrageous to think that we might soon be erecting Millionaire Internment Camps as the best solution to the nation's many problems?

Camp Millionaire, Nebraska

This must be very confusing to recent immigrants to this country from China, Mexico, Hungary, Bulgaria, or Ecuador. These folks have a dream of becoming Millionaires, and this dream is partially what drives them to come here, work two jobs, educate their children, eventually become citizens and, yes, even pay some taxes.

What Mr. Buffet and the President and their cohorts seem to be missing is that what they have to say about Millionaires paying more taxes and the way they say it, is a very, very good argument for something they consider to be abhorrent...a flat tax of...17%*.

You see, Uncle Warren, that if you paid a flat 17% income/capital gains tax on everything you made,  with only one deduction of $8-10,000 per dependent, you would effectively pay a whole lot more money in taxes, as would every despicable Millionaire in the country. Plus, your company, Berkshire Hathaway, would also pay a flat 17% on earnings.

You see, Uncle Warren, unlike your friends in Washington, real people pay their bills with money, not ideas.

They like the possibility of doing their taxes on a postal card and knowing that Millionaires and Billionaires are paying a lot more money, even though they are paying the same rate. Real people like simple, practical things like EZ Pass, itunes, etc.

Is that too hard for some folks to understand? Yes, because they are caught up in their feelings, rather than in finding a rational solution to our problems.

Grow up.

* Here is a list of grown up countries, run by adults, with adult electorates, who use a simple flat tax:
http://flattaxes.blogspot.com/2010/09/flat-tax-countries-and-jurisdictions.html

This Little Piggy...

Piggy Bank

1) For many of us, the little piggy shown here was our first bank. We all learned the fundamentals of saving by putting our spare coins into the slot. Later, when certain adults made a point of trying to impress us by giving us a dollar, or, in the rarest of rare cases five dollars, we learned to pull little piggy apart, or remove the cork from underneath and insert the paper bill.

This latter move, of course, also taught us about something called borrowing; once we had the knack for breaking into piggy, we had a little taste of credit.

Sadly, we outgrew our piggy banks and graduated to small savings accounts in big bank buildings, many made of brick or granite, supported by huge columns. The bulk was to make us all feel secure about putting our money inside a place too big for a thief to carry around. These banks had names like First National City Bank, Chase Manhattan, or even Chemical Corn Exchange and each one had its own armed guard inside.

Who would have thought that, after all these years, little piggy would once again prove to be a very sound alternative to those same big bulky stone banks...

Bank Piggy/DSK

2) The French banker, Christine Lagarde, is the head of the IMF, a kind of bank of banks. She recently replaced another French banker who is so famous he is known only by his initials, DSK, who resigned after having an unseemly, at best, liaison with a maid in his New York hotel (naturally, he blames the maid, puritanical Americans, and a conspiracy for his troubles).

Ms. Lagarde has been chiding her Euro partners to get going on baling out Greece and other countries, which cannot pay their debts and are in danger of default. Collectively, these countries are rather conveniently known as PIIGS (Portugal, Italy, Ireland, Greece and Spain). Not making it up.

In case you have not been paying attention, Greece sold many $billions of bonds to banks in France, Germany and other countries, so that Greeks could continue to provide a swell vacation spot for other euros without having to pay taxes. Then the banks bought insurance in case these bonds went bust, which they assuredly will if the same banks don't lend Greece more money.

If this sounds familiar to an American audience, especially if you are unemployed, have had your home foreclosed upon, or can no longer afford health insurance, it should. Greece is playing the role of home buyers who got mortgages they could not possibly repay from banks like Countrywide, who then sold a piece of the mortgage to other suckers, who then insured the worthless stuff with the same insurer, AIG. You know the rest.

Questions: why are there so many French bankers? Why don't they teach bankers that it is not a good idea to buy bonds from Greece, instead of sound investments like ouzo or feta cheese? Why don't we let children run the banks and the IMF: even they know not to buy from Greeks bearing bonds!

3) For some years we have had an account at a certain Swiss bank. In 2008, while said bank was losing about $38Billion, we actually made more money than they did. Considering that we were unemployed at the time, this was quite a feat and made us wonder why the bank did not hire us to manage them.

This week, the banking world was shocked...truly shocked ...again to find out that a lone trader at the same bank had run up losses of $2.3Billion (so far) without the loss being detected. These kinds of traders are always called "rogues," which is a way of banks saying that all is okey-dokey because there was only one. They think this makes clients feel a lot safer.

The bank has said,"The true magnitude of the risk exposure was distorted because the positions had been offset in our system with fictitious ...positions..." In other words, we can't be blamed or fired for not knowing since the guy made up stories to cover the bad stuff and our system can only find the bad stuff, not made up stuff.

Well, okay, we feel much better about our account now; and, this also explains why there is no minus sign on the Swiss flag; always accentuate the positive.


4) At least that "rogue" trader will go to prison; we can be assured of that. But, what about all of these other jamokes, who pompously, arrogantly, deceitfully, dishonestly, stupidly and, yes, piggishly baled out their pals at our expense?  The Taliban would be too good for them.

It turns out that the little piggy bank was a very good idea after all. Oink.

Bon Courage

51 Stars

The current 50-Star US flag was designed by a seventeen year old high school student Robert Heft as part of a class project in 1958. He got a B-, until the design was accepted by the nation to be its new flag; then, his teacher gave him an A. Talk about tough markers!

Heft was a young man who thought ahead, a kind of Steve Jobs of flags, and so he also designed a 51-Star flag, shown above, at the same time, and didn't stop until he hit a 60-Star model.

In October 2001, I tried to contact Mr. Heft to ask his permission to use the 51-Star flag for a project. At the time, I thought of the extra star as a potential healing and unifying symbol, a point of reference for a wounded city and nation.

For a number of reasons that project never took flight, and I did not have the opportunity to connect with Mr. Heft, who died in 2009.

But, today, I am thinking again about that 51st-Star, and thinking that now, perhaps more than ever, the country might benefit from having a new reference point, a unifying light, a visible and symbolic source of energy, imagination and courage.

I am also thinking about all those 17-year-old young men and women out there today, and their futures. I would say to them: now is the time to be bold, to seize the moment, rise above our profound sense of grief and loss; rise too above the current national malaise and all the jibber-jabber.

Now might be an even better time to take inspiration from the Star and the imagination and confidence of that 

17-year-old boy back in 1958, to begin to re-design...everything around us that requires re-designing... which is quite a lot; 

and to not look back or listen to those who say you cannot do it. Bon Courage.

This One's For You