Take This Job And Spend More Time With Your Family

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newt

Earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear accidents, widespread political revolts, our third war, another earthquake. You'd think that Republican kingpins trying to make Uncle Sam into the Biggest Loser overnight could have picked a better time to get noticed.

Newt Gingrich knew how to get attention. We're talking about the real Newt back in '94, not the current Okay For Prime Time Newt with the presidential haircut and the jowl-job. He had a hissy-fit back then over being relegated to the back of Air Force One and played chicken with Clinton The First, when absolutely nothing else was happening. Bill put Newt into the deep fryer and only the Pope could get him out of it.

This is the most boring Federal Shutdown ever, being put on by the most boring set of numbskulls this side of the Mac twins, Fannie and Freddie. Ho-hum. Fellows, next time you do this, don't try it a week before Tax Day, because everybody, we mean everybody absolutely does not give a little nit about shutting down the Whole Shebang on April 8. Talk about Biggest Losers!

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I Think I Can Can Someone

Now here's a guy who knows how to get attention, Mayor Billionaire. He has publicly admitted to making a mistake. Good grief; will he have to go to bed without his Teddy?

Cathleen P. (for Phew!) Black, whom the mayor insisted on hiring as school chancellor, despite not being able to find a single other human being who thought it was a good idea, "resigned" by "mutual agreement" yesterday.

Let's be very clear about this. She was fired, royally fired by His High Royal-ness.

Why is it do you think that most of us get fired, canned, eliminated, dusted, smoked, summarily dismissed, shown the door, when CEO's, Chancellors and their chums get "to spend more time with their families (who are probably horrified)," " to seek new opportunities?" Or, how about Warren Buffet's recently departed lieutenant who got to do both: "to spend more time investing for his family." Except that he was fired for investing for his family in the companies Buffet was about to buy every day. That guy got canned too.

Poor Cathy. She got fired twice in one year! Over at Hearst, when they brought in a new guy from Conde Nast to replace her, she was "elevated" to make room for him. Yeah, except that it was a one way elevator to the lobby. Could it be that The Little Mike That Could was the only person in the universe who  thought that she had actually gotten promoted?

Yes. The only question we have now is: how big will her city pension be?

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"For The Double-Dip Hypothesis"

Speaking of which, here is a scoop. the Nobel Prize Committee has added a prize for Pension Mathematics. Apparently, there are only about 100 or so people in the world who can do this specialized form of calculating. Good news: 98 of them reside right here  in New York State.


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