1. I used to think that I was the only one fighting the battle against the insidious foe shown on the left, the touch free "automatic" faucet. But, keen observation has proven that you too, Friends, have been waving your hands and swaying your elbows in dry vain, looking as though you were practicing a Rest Room form of Tai Chi.
Some well-intentioned person designed these to actually save water by rationing the amount that we could use and preventing wasteful dripping. He or she succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, since so many of us have completely failed, on a regular basis and in embarrassing ways to coax a drop of dampness from these machines. Bring back analog faucets!
2. Many of you may also fondly remember the relatively simple paper towel dispenser on the right. Some of the same engineers who took away our easy water, also created new touch free towel dispensers. Once again, we must raise up our hands, as if in prayer, trying to get that red eye to lend us a towel. We estimate that 50% of the time it fails to see our dripping hands. What a way to save the trees!
Instead, we must resort to using our pant-legs, shirttails, and skirts to dry. Is it any wonder that so few can get hired, when those who succeed in washing their hands return to the conference room or restaurant table from the Rest Rooms of America with wet stains on their pants and skirts, to say nothing of that major deal-killer The Wet Handshake!
3. Here is a photo of a "package" of Gillette razor blades I purchased at Costco. It took me three days to open it, because I was determined to open it without using any tools other than my hands and my teeth, and, to be honest, I have a tennis elbow. I failed miserably and finally resorted to using scissors and a small mallet.
Why would Gillette make a package so lethal that it might more properly be called a weapon? These things must send thousands of their customers to Emergency Rooms each year with fingers sliced and hands shredded.
Inside this package are Mach 3 Turbo Fusion razor blade cartridges, which Gillette spent millions developing so that they would shave your face extremely close WITHOUT CUTTING YOU. If engineers can put 3 to 5 super-sharp blades together in such an ingenious way that they will not cut you and you can carry them on a plane, why can't they make a box, a simple box, that is safe? Insane.
5. The Pay-For-Parking machines in my town dispense paper receipts. This is nice, except that there is no requirement to place the receipt on the inside of your windshield, under your wipers, or anywhere else. Apparently, the meter reader gets the info directly from the machine into another machine, in order to discover who is in violation.
Who needs a useless receipt for $.50? And, if there is a use for it, why not have the machine or the receipt explain what that is? Instead, we toss the paper on the ground or into the green trash receptacles conveniently located near the machines just so we can toss the receipt.
Perhaps this makes sense, but I do not know any citizen who has yet been able to explain it to me. Are the receipts meant to be proof that you paid in the unlikely event that you encounter the Sheriff Of Parkingham, who has just placed a Royal Decree in the form of a $25 ticket on your vehicle?
Strange.
6. While we're on the subject of parking in my town, we have an opportunity to mention the theft of a favorite parking space in favor of a new Stop sign.
Perhaps we should say more accurately that it has been replaced by two bodyguards for the Stop sign. Now, admittedly, these signs are temporary, so this is just a caution to the proper authorities; however, since these are likely to be permanent soon, we say that this parking space needs to be returned to its rightful users: drivers of Wranglers and other superior, right-sized machines.
We like parking where we can get a paper, a coffee, a slice of pizza, a baguette, an own-made cone and much more in a few seconds.
7. Finally, we draw (sorry) your attention to a rapidly developing phenomenon, which, if it goes unchecked, might turn into a real problem. I refer, of course, to the new habit of illustrating the make-up of families through stick figure decals, which are shown on the rear and side windows of mammoth vehicles. It does not seem to matter that said vehicles are most frequently filled with one adult human. Do we all need to know the exact make-up of each family, including pets (and coyotes)?
No, we do not. Wave goodbye, please.
Ed Note: If this post gave you mild enjoyment, you might like to watch Seth Gordon's This Is Broken
video, which can be found at: http://www.ted.com/
