Q: How many months are in the Greek calendar?
A: 14. In addition to the traditional 12, the Greek year includes two fully-paid vacation months, Ouzember and Sleepober.
Q: Who will be the Next UK Prime Minister?
A: A male who will make John Major seem like Lady Gaga.
Q: What does the term "nearly a trillion" mean?
A: It means a number between 2 and 3 trillion. Politicians universally believe that the larger bailout sum will be far more palatable if taken by citizens in small bites, as when a parent cuts a child's meat.
Q: What would the US be like under Tea Party rule?
A: A combination of Greece and England with very good, cheap dry white wine and a steady diet of bangers and eggplant.
Q: How can a stock fall from $40 to a penny really, really fast?
A: We honestly do not know. We asked a dozen highly successful financial executives over the weekend, each of whom gave a different, long, indecipherable "explanation." The only unifying thing we noticed was that each of these gentlemen (apparently very few women are allowed to be highly successful financial executives) was very short.
Q: Did you see Betty White on Saturday Night Live?
A: We did not even know that Betty White was alive. Now that we know, we would have preferred Betty Crocker.
Q: Hey, what ever happened to that Icelandic volcano?
A: It is still there, spewing ash and disrupting travel. It is not nearly as important as Lawrence Taylor's private life or the seventeen ways BP (Big Problem) have tried to get their thumb in that hole.
Q: Why is the traditional media, like the Times, so boring?
A: As you can see today, their idea of real excitement is a Supreme Court nomination announcement, as the entire rest of the world focuses on the possibility of another global financial collapse. They are obsessed with the Court's election of W, and won't rest until they get revenge. Ho hum. More cake for us.
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