Twenty-Ten, Be Our Friend

                                          

We end the year with ThirdGarage's (3G) Honoree List for 2009:

"As If" Award: To French Ministre De La Justice, Michele Alliot-Marie, for notifying 3G that it is illegal for non-French citizens to create French holidays. We received a "ceasement et desiste" order from Paris regarding our invention of CentJours, a celebration of the year's first hundred days on April 10 or 9 each year. Alliot-Marie states that, " TroisGarages must first hire a French citizen, who must do the inventing." Also, this worker must be perpetually employed. Despite this note, France will forge ahead and celebrate CentJours "as if a French person had invented it."

Perpetual Employment Award: To the New York State Senate and Assembly. This special award is for always being there when we needed them and the fact that, as weird as it may seem, they always will be. On some days, when we were stuck for funny ideas, they were there for us.

Get Working Trophy: To the Hallmark Card Co. for its zealous offer of a contract for 3G to develop 20 new holidays per year for 5 years. This was based on our inventing Arrival Day, as recently reported by RecessionWire and MSN Money. We declined, believing that 100 new holidays is hardly the way to get the economy going and reduce deficits. 3G did, however, refer Hallmark to France, where they can find plenty of idle and inventive citoyens.

Annual Retraction Award: To Governor Dave Paterson, formerly known as David (changed due to unflattering Biblical references to height). Although 3G made a simple human typo error when it wrote, " the legally dumb Governor," we formally retract it anyway. Obviously, we meant that GovDave was "legally bland." We're sorry.

Forceps Manufacturers' Lobby Award: To Baucus, Pelosi, Reid and Co, President O, and "Rahm It" Emanuel. Remember the Seinfeld "Ugly Baby" episode? Wow, that was some ugly baby. But, the parents thought it was an "unprecedentedly beautiful" new earthling. We can't help thinking that there will be some very long feeding nights and a troubled adolescence ahead for the adoring midwives and parents of our new baby, known as The Bill.

"Twenty-Ten, Twenty-Ten
  Please, be
  Our friend,
  Twenty-Ten"


Happy New Year